A Message to Auntie's Babies
Updated: Nov 28, 2021
To My Nieces and Nephews,
I love you!
Though it may be hard to see or believe at times , it is true- I love you!
Sometimes, more times than we want to acknowledge, unpleasant things happen within our #family. Many of these things happened before your birth but hold a significant place in the family.
You, like many others in this family, may not understand the #consequences and repercussions of the older generations or why we function the way we do.
I won't go into detail but our family has a LONG history of internal #segregation. This, unfortunately, has been passed on through the #generation and now has rested on the shoulders of your generation. This is often hard to see or identify at an early age nor is it your responsibility to fix initially.
At one point it seemed like a great idea to leave and #separate from the family. Separating was not an act of rebellion or abandonment but one of survival and exploration of self. I had to leave physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to learn how we are raised is not ok.
"Blood is thicker than water"
(unknown author) - this is scientifically accurate but the taught and or implied meaning is not what I believe to be true. Generally, the phrase is used to indicate that family bonds are stronger than others. I have learned that the bond we have within our family is based on trauma. A #trauma bond. An unhealthy bond that, once dismantled will redefine relationships. Once the traumatic familial bond is gone, the only thing left is "water" or incomplete, unfounded, and #inappropriate fragments of relationships.
Learning what it was to be a person and an aunt from stranger also allowed me to learn the other roles that were possible for me to fulfill. These roles included being a sister, cousin, friend, and mother.
#Survival skills is what we learned. Survival skills is what I fought to deconstruct and rebuild as coping skills to live!
This leads me to the person I am today! I learned how to effectively be an aunt. Though I fear these kills are not useful to some of my dear #nieces and #nephews because you are not receptive to this "abnormal" way of being. Time has lapsed and I was absent while you grew to be the best person you could be within the circumstances you were born.
Please know that everyone's #development is unique. You may not connect to what or who I am at this time but I will always hold hope for you and help you along the way.
What does it mean to be an aunt today?
It is an honor and a privilege that is fragile and flexible.
It is everything but can be nothing.
It means offering assistance and support along the way, even at 2 am on a Monday morning.
It means guiding you in a positive and appropriate direction that allows your soul to dance.
It means holding your best interests in my heart as I help you dance in the rain.
It means watching shine bright without sunglasses on your best days and holding your hand through the dark on your worst days.
It entails being your friend and a older sister figure while discouraging life-damaging items.
Though I have not perfected this role, if there is a such thing, I am committed to filling this role for each of my nieces and nephews, if you are receptive. Perfecting this role would be subjective to our personalities, boundaries, age, style, and acceptance levels.
I missed part of your childhood- I apologize yet I would not change it because those experiences is what made me who I am today.
Respectfully, I will honor you parents desires as I am not your parent- of course. However, I will challenge and empower you to be YOUR best and overcome the narrative you were convinced to believe.
My dear nieces and nephews- I love you!