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My Unique Child, My Responsibility

This blog goes out in support of all mothers of children living with disabilities.

As moms, we feel responsible for everything concerning our children. We often put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. When we see things that are not “normal” or like other children, we often deny them. We tell ourselves things like:

"it will get better”
“she/he has a special way of doing it.”

We play the blame game. The blame will fluctuate between dad, the doctor, and ourselves. Moms say things like:

“I shouldn’t have worked so much,
“his/her dad should have helped me more"
“the doctor missed something.”

The issue is not necessarily whose fault it is but that the child is experiencing things or behaving in a way that needs to be addressed and diagnosed for the best recovery options.

The feelings that arise are difficult to explain. Saying that it is difficult or challenging is an understatement for what a mother feels when her child receives a diagnosis. Diagnosis often indicates that the child is broken or abnormal. This may be accurate, but this does not have to be bad. Each diagnosis usually is attached to a treatment plan. Accepting the treatment options is a pivotal point!

The ongoing journey is heart wrenching! Moms do not want to announce to the world that their child is unique. Moms do not want to apply for disabled passes or services. Moms do not want to call the numerous offices to obtain information or use a service that may or may not help their child. Moms do not want to deal with the spectators that do not understand.

But they do!

Moms deal with this in addition to the symptoms related to the diagnosis, their emotional state, employment, family, friends, and partner. The lack of support outweighs the sporadic help rendered. Over time friends and family often grow distant because mom has become consumed with learning treatment options and how best to care for their child in ways other moms cannot relate.

Moms of children with disabilities are often isolated while caring for their child because child care or babysitters are hard to obtain or nonexistent. The cost to care for a disabled child is astronomically higher than a child without disabilities, so funds are always tight.

Moms, you are doing what needs to be done! It is hard; I hear your tears echoing at night. The frustration you feel is overwhelming at times, but you know if you don’t, no one will. This is your child, your bundle of joy!

You are still a person too! Take time for YOU while your child is napping, at a program/school, at an appointment, or preoccupied in the other room. It will not be easy because you will feel like you are not caring for your child in these moments, but you are! A healthy mom is more equipped to manage the needs of a child. You are doing great as a mother, but you are not doing well as a woman!

Thank you for doing what needs to be done!!

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