Her. Who is she? She is the woman who birthed me. The person who has given me two gifts in my entire 40 years of life.
Gift number one was life. As my mother she gifted me life though it seemed as if she wished otherwise.
Gift number two was my “Dad”. He is actually my stepfather, but he filled the role as if he was biologically entitled to.
He is the best gift I have ever received!
Birthdays come and go. She may not remember but he does. A simple call to say happy birthday means a lot in my adult years but as a child the dinners that he would treat me to on “My Day” showed me that he cared.
As a child I pushed him away because I was expecting him to leave like by biological father. My gift stayed with me and continues to stand by my side.
Thank you, Mom, for giving me what I never thought I wanted or needed. My dad!
Valentine’s Day as a child I received chocolates, teddy bears, and cards. As an adult those gifts were replaced with a call to say, “I love you” and check-in to assure I am being treated right.
Christmas as a child I would receive cards for a gift because I was hard to shop for. As an adult swapping pictures, calls, and text are plentiful and meaningful.
What about her, you ask? Well on holidays she chooses to demand expensive things and talk bad about those who get her something, those who get her nothing, and those who don’t show. So, why ask about her?
Mother’s Day is bittersweet. Mother’s Day is a time where we reflect on all the mistakes I made and how I have grown to be the woman I am and the great mother I have grown to be.
We do not talk about the reality as to why we celebrate the things we do in the way we do but we know. We know that the reason we are close is because I was not loved and nurtured the way I should have been. We know that I allowed the fear of abandonment to shape my actions, reactions, and life for many years. We know how I could have ended up if he did not overlook the harsh words, disrespectful behavior, and unkind ways that I yielded as weapons as a child.
He was a gift! He walked into my life not realizing that he walked into a world of pain, hatred, and confusion all managed by her.
He was a gift! He walked in at a pivotal time with grace and understanding that allowed him to see through the survival techniques and see ME.
He was a gift! He walked out not because he did not love me but because she would have destroyed him, me, and what we built, a father-daughter bond.
He is a gift! He walked out on her but not on me. We remained close. We remained daughter and father. We remained connected despite her wrath.
He is a gift!
He is MY gift!
He is MY dad!
I will always be daddy's little girl!