To My Love!
We do not see eye-to-eye on most days. We are opposite that way.
We know what makes each other tick and how to destroy each other yet we teeter the line never fully committing to either side.
Is this safe? Is this healthy? Should we continue? I ask these questions to myself, never to you, almost daily.
Please understand before you read this that I am ok with agreeing to disagree. Yesterday you had an issue that quickly became mine.
The issue, I kept using the word “mine”. Well, wasn’t it accurate?
This became my issue because of the bigger topic- the double standard!
You have used this word “mine” in so many ways and it never seems to be a problem.
You always speak of a family setting and how you want to be a unit however that's not the actions you take nor is it the verbiage that you continuously utilize.
Do you see the double standard?
Yesterday you let it slip that you spent $700 on computer items, and you did not seem to see the problem because it was, as you said, “my money to spend”.
You accused me of being upset because I did not get anything. The real reason I was upset was because you want me to consult with you but why do you not offer me the same?
I don't ask you to do ANYTHING for me! You do what you want and that's how it is has been this whole time.
So, for you to use the word “my” when most of the financial obligations in the house typically falls on me it's quite interesting and disrespectful.
I'm sure you're disagree with this, but this is the point that I try to make to you.
Over the last few days, you continuously claim that I don't speak to you I don't communicate with you.
I find it most interesting that you always say I don't communicate with you while I'm communicating with you.
The only things you choose to talk to me about are the things you don’t like or disagree with.
This is not healthy. This is the reason I cry at night. This is emotionally draining. This is the reason I have to leave. This is the reason I am exhausted during the day.
My love, my kryptonite, and I must free myself.
Though my heart wants me to stay, my brain and gut tell me to run!
I am running, not away from my issues, but because I choose ME!